


Ralph Domzalski's Guide To Falling In Love With A Sorceress

by im_the_king_of_the_ocean



Series: Nana's Troll Husband AU [7]
Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Pre-Canon, content note: some cussing happens, domzalski family angst pile, this is not a happy tale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 15:52:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15368016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/im_the_king_of_the_ocean
Summary: Snapshots into the (tragic) love story of Toby's parents, Ralph and Megan.





	1. Step 1: Explosively Sweep Her Off Her Feet

When Ralph Domzalski was a kid, he’d wished his video games were real because life seemed like it would be so much more exciting then.

As an adult just then, he found himself wondering if dreams like that did come true and bemoaning the fact his younger self hadn’t had the foresight to wish for something more sustainable like a job with a steady income or a magic hat of unlimited food that wasn’t instant ramen cups.

Regardless, he figured, none of that really mattered since he had a literal troll for a dad and his life never quite fit into the “normal” box anyway.

But he could due without the whole “escaping for his life” video game-ness bit of his current situation.

“Are you sure you can drive this thing?!”

The Jeep careened through a turn.Ralph grabbed onto the car door so he wouldn’t go flying out the side window.His breath stopped in his throat when the vehicle tilted, both driver’s side wheels losing contact with the ground.They slammed back down with a screech. Ralph almost puked.The Jeep charged down the straight stretch of road before them.

“Look dumbass, this is your rescue mission so as far as I’m concerned I’m doing a much better job than you!” The woman driving the Jeep yelled.“We got incoming on our tail, so be a dear, reach in the glovebox and, chuck some dvorkstones at them!”

“I’m not killing anyone!” Ralph shot back.Save a woman from some kind of cult’s ritualistic sacrifice?Yes.Murder people?That would be a hard no.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” The wheel spun in the woman’s hand.The Jeep lurched.“I’ve known these assholes my entire fucking life!They wouldn’t hesitate in turning me into some kind of ancient demon sorceress, so—”

Ralph stopped listening.Evil or no, he couldn’t just kill someone.It went against everything he believed in.He knew they were in a dire situation, but there had to be another way.If he could just get these guys to give up the chase...?

He reached in the glovebox.Grabbed a dvorkstone.Shook it.Chucked it at the road behind them.

Ralph heard the screech of the pursuing cars’ breaks.Saw the people in them jump into the underbrush at the side of the road.He too ducked as chunks of pavement and car metal went flying when the dvorkstone activated.Ok, blowing up the road?Not the greatest plan.But at least they’d had the chance to survive, right?

Ralph turned forward.“There!Are you ha—CLIFF!!!” He grabbed onto the dashboard as if that would save him from the long drop before them.He squeezed his eyes shut as they hurtled over the edge.His stomach jumping up in his throat.Then lurched back in it’s proper place as their plummet jerked to a halt.Ralph cracked an eye open.The Jeep hovered over waves crashing into some terribly spiky-looking outcroppings.He gulped.

“Hell yeah!” The woman pumped the air with her fist.“Sorry Gramps, Paladins of the Pale Lady, but you suckers _failed_!I’m 100% still myself!But wait, what’s this?I managed to score AWESOME MAGIC POWERS from you failed little ritual anyway?Eat it, suckers!”She yelled to the top of the cliff.

The jeep shuddered at her distraction.

“Maybe wait to gloat until we’re not hovering over rocks that can kill us?” Ralph snapped.“I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer not to die in the ocean today.”

“Oh, fine”.The woman groaned, righting the Jeep with a wave of her hand.“But you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that. All my life they’ve told me I’m nothing but I future vessel for her grand, magnificence, the “Pale Lady”.Did they ever ask what I wanted to be or do with my life?”She snorted.“Fuck No!”Paused.“Well, except for my great-aunt and look what that got her.”The woman sighed.“Anyway, thanks for the save back there, you’re not so bad for a guy who crashes a secret cult’s ceremony.”With another wave of her hand, she got the Jeep to fly forward over the ocean.

Ralph slowly relaxed back in his seat. “You’re welcome.I didn’t exactly expect anyone to actually be at an ancient troll site.But I’m always happy to help out someone in need.”

The woman glanced at him.“So you knew what that place was, huh?And here I assumed you were some severely lost tourist.”

“Tourist, yes. Of a kind.”Ralph shrugged.“Dad’s a troll so I figured I’d travel around, see the sights of the troll world before settling down to some boring desk job or something back home.”

“Troll dad? That sounds like an interesting story you got there.”

“Not as interesting as runaway sorceress from an evil cult.”

“Yeah well we’ll probably have time for both considering there’s nothing but ocean as far as I can see.”The woman gestured to their surroundings.The cliff growing smaller behind them.“You got a clue where we are? I’m kinda hoping we wash up on the shores of France.I always wanted to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower.”

“No, not really.”Ralph shrugged.“I used a gyre to travel from home.”He paused.“But definitely somewhere with a lot of water.”

The woman rolled her eyes.“Don’t tell me.I’m stuck in a floating car with someone who has a godawful sense of humor.” 

“Hey, I’d prefer not to be stuck with someone who has what my mother would call a “potty mouth”, yet here I am.”Ralph retorted.

“Oh, so you’re a mama’s boy now?”The woman laughed.“Merlin’s beard, I have horrible luck.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew my mother.”Ralph smirked.“You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if she showed up right now, via some magic method or another, just to give you a lecture.”He paused for dramatic effect.“And then try to feed you her horrible, horrible pies.Seriously, though.If you ever do meet her, don’t eat her pies.It will offend her, sure, but it will save your stomach from a truly disastrous fate.”

“Noted.”The woman grinned at him.“Oh, and, just so you know, I’m Megan.Megan the Magician now, I suppose, fits.”

“Nice to meet you, Megan.”Ralph held out his hand.“I’m Ralph.Ralph Domzalski, but all my friends call me “Ralphie, their shining knight in armor who’s so heroic and spectacular and—”

“Yeah I’m just going to call you Ralphie-Piekins.”

“Please don’t.”

“You were the one to bring up the cutesy names, mister.”Megan stuck out her tongue at him.“Don’t open the can if you don’t want to know what’s inside.”

“Well then, I’ll just call you Megan-bacon-fakin, um…”

“That’s the best you can do?So sad.I suppose I should let you off the hook.”Megan sighed dramatically.“So tell me, _Ralph_ , as we head to wherever we’re going, how does one end up being a half-troll?”

 

 


	2. Step 2: Dance In The Sky Together

“Ok, open your eyes in 3, 2, 1…” Ralph removed his hands from over Megan’s eyes and carefully stepped back into the shadow of the tower.

Megan huffed.“You’re being ridiculous.We climbed up here together.I know what I’m going to see.”

Ralph grinned.“So why haven’t you opened your eyes, then?”

“Ok, maybe I _am_ savoring the moment.”Megan retorted.“Look when _you_ have a hopeless pipe dream become reality, you’ll be able to understand what I’m feeling.”She opened her eyes and turned back to face him.Her green eyes glinted in the sunlight.

Ralph rolled his eyes.Megan stuck out her tongue at him.

“So, do you?Have a hopeless pipe dream?”She asked.“Now that we’ve done mine, it’s only fair.”Megan finally looked out over the railing of the very top of the Eiffel Tower.“Break Merlin’s left toes, this is beautiful,” she added in a quieter voice.

Ralph looked up to check the sun’s location to confirm he was still safe against the side of the tower.Daylight didn’t agitate him like it did when he was a kid, but still, it wasn’t good for him to be out in it for too long.Their hours-long hovering car ride over the ocean without much cloud cover had left him feeling queasy for two days.He’d prefer not to have a repeat performance.

“Eh, you know, anything that involves me not getting daylight-sick is always good.”Ralph shrugged.

Megan smiled at him.“Good thing I’ve been working on a little spell then.This view is great and all.”She gestured out to all of Paris.“But I think I know what would better.So much better.”Megan held out a hand to Ralph.“Don’t be shy.”She smirked.“Oh, and I _almost_ forgot.”

Megan stomped her foot.Nothing happened.She frowned.Stomped again.“Come _on._ I got you to work this morning,” she muttered.

“Meg, I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but—”

Shadows sprang out from Megan’s foot in a pool around her, then spread out to where Ralph stood.

“Ah, there we go!Personalized shadow!So those among us who are more _trollish_ in nature can walk under the gaze of the sun with perfect ease.”Megan twirled in a circle.“Yet another magnificent spell brought to you by Megan the Marvelous Magician.Praise me, dear commoner, for I have succeeded where you thought I would not.”

“Oh yes.”Ralph teased.“You’re becoming quite the pro at this magic stuff.Soon you’ll be able to perform at little children’s birthday parties.”

“Shush you.Or I’ll leave you all alone up here.You’ll have to climb all the way down to the ground knowing you wasted your chance to experience the splendor of diving through the sky with the most captivating woman you’ve ever met.”Megan gave an exaggerated sigh.“And you’ll say, oh woe is me.How foolish for my ridiculous self to pass up such an opportunity.I know one like it will never happen again.I must embark on a quest to find a lonely cave by the sea to inhabit for eternity as I slowly become more sad and lonely and evil and trap unsuspecting folk in binding agreements to their detriment.Siiiiigh.”

Ralph laughed.“I’m impressed.So many words and not a single cuss word in the bunch.I think I _am_ rubbing off on you.”He smirked.“Also really?I seemed to be getting along just fine in life before you entered the picture.So I think it is _you_ who’ll end up sad and lonely and evil by the sea.And you’ll say, oh dearie me, I should have listened to that Ralph more.Really, he was such a smart, outstanding guy—”

“Shush, you.”Megan playfully pushed him back against the wall of the tower.“Or I’ll have to do something impulsive.”

“Like what?”

“Like this.”Megan quickly kissed Ralph on the lips.

“Holy shit, you kissed me.”Ralph stammered.“You _kissed_ me.Holy fucking—you—you _like—”_

Megan patted his cheek with her hand.“Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.I just wanted to see if I could make that golden tongue of yours utter some ugly, ugly words.I’m still not convinced I shouldn’t turn you into a cutesy little bunny.”

“If you did, I would gnaw _holes_ in all of your _clothes_.”

“How romantic.You even rhymed.”

Ralph tapped the tip of her nose with his finger.“If you’re lucky, I may just do it a second time.”He grinned.“See what I did there?”

“Yeah, but _time_ doesn’t rhyme with _rhymed_.Now that I think about it more, someone failed their language lessons.”Megan answered.

“But time does rhyme with rhyme, and also lime.Dime.Mime.”Ralph paused.“Ok, now I’m out.”

“Ah, he admits his defeat!Thus, the victory goes to MEGAN!”Megan mocked bowed at a nonexistent audience.“Thank you, thank you, I know I’m the best.”

Ralph swallowed his laughter.“Ok, ok fine.Now, what was it you were going to do?With the shadows, which are great by the way.”He walked around the small platform.“I can’t even feel the sun.”

“THIS!”

Ralph felt Megan grab him around the waist.Felt himself pass through the barrier between the open sky and the Eiffel Tower.Felt himself start to plunge.Being yanked back up.

“GODDAMNIT!What is with you and falling from great heights!”Ralph yelled over the wind.

“What can I say but I think I want you to _fall_ for me!”Megan flew onward toward a massive bank of clouds.“You see what I did there?With the word, ‘fall’?Yeah this is what you sound like when you ask me questions like that after you make a ‘joke’.”

“MY JOKES ARE GREAT AND YOU LOVE THEM!”

“Ralph, dearest, I’m right here.You don’t have to shout.”

“That wasn’t for you, that was for the fly I just swallowed.Little guy needs to know that he’s in the belly of a master comedian.”Ralph twisted his neck to look back at Megan.

Megan replied dryly, “I can and will drop you in the Seine.”

“See I would believe that if you hadn’t kissed me.”Ralph looked back at the sky.“You like me too much to get rid of me.”

“I suppose I do.”Megan whispered in his ear.“You may be a ridiculous man, but you’re _my_ ridiculous man.”

“And you’re my cutesy wootsey most adorablest little angel cuddly bunny, um, pretty little…”

Megan threw back her head and laughed.

“Ha!”Ralph yelled triumphantly.“You do love my jokes!”

“Of course I do, silly, but it wouldn’t be fun if I didn’t tease you back, now would it?”

“I’ll agree to that.Hey, I bet you’ve never flown through a cloud before.Wanna—?”

Megan charged forward toward the cloud bank.“Way ahead of you!”


	3. Step 3: Settle Down In (Completely 100% Definitely Normal) Arcadia Oaks

All was silent but for the quiet tick-tick-tock of the clock on the wall.

Then a noise.A slurp.Like some invisible person chose that moment to suck the last drop of soda from the bottom of their Mega Gulp Cup, couldn’t quite get it but continued to inhale nothing but air through their straw anyway.

Movement.The space in the middle of the otherwise normal-appearing office room shimmered.Not quite like the space above pavement on a blistering hot day would shimmer, but close.There was something off about this shimmer.Something that would have sent any witnesses running for fear their nightmares were coming alive.

A shadow, a dark space the size of a golf ball, appeared in the middle of the shimmer and wasted no time in growing until it was large enough for a human to fit through.

Not one, but two, did.

“You’re getting better at that.”Ralph inhaled sharply.Traveling via shadow portal felt like, for a moment of his life, something was yanking everything good and happy away.

Megan sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall.“Well, you know, practice makes perfect and all that.”She took a deep breath.“I got us this far, now it’s your turn.I think I need to close my eyes for a minute.Making portals is _exhausting._ ”

Ralph knelt beside her.He put a hand to Megan’s forehead, but she wasn’t feverish.He let himself exhale. _That_ , at least, was a good sign.He’d always supported and encouraged Megan’s experimentation with her magical powers, but this recent one, these portals, were…they were something else entirely from the levitation, flying— _fun—_ spells she’d been practicing before.

“We shouldn’t have done this. _I_ shouldn’t have let you do this.It’s too much.You’re—”

Megan interrupted, “Ralph, I love you, but _shut up_.I’m fine.”She took a deep, shuddering breath.“The _baby’s_ fine.As I’ve told you a hundred times, worst case scenario they turn out to have some magic themselves and then you’re going to have to deal with two of us bringing chaos into your life.”She laughed.“Come one, sweetheart, that was a joke. _Laugh._ ”

Ralph stood.“I’ll laugh when we’re out of here.Any ideas where the Janus Order keeps their stash of fake passports?”

“In a big bin that says ‘Fake Passports, Please Take One If You Grew Up In A Secret Cult That Never Got Documentation Of Your Existence’.That seems like a good bet.”Megan laughed again.

“I was being serious.”Ralph yanked open a file cabinet and perused its contents.No luck.He moved on.

“So was I.”Megan paused.“Tell me what it’s like?In Arcadia?”

Ralph walked over to the first of the cubicles.“Again?You’ll be there yourself once we get you a passport.”He downright refused to let Megan shadow portal them home.The distance from Rome to Amsterdam, where the Janus Order base they found was located, was bad enough.But to _California_?No, that was way too far.

“I know, but I like hearing you describe it.”Megan got up and joined him in his search.“The peaceful little houses, the nice neighbors, the parks.”She ran a hand over a desk.“We have to live somewhere near a park, one with a massive playground so our kid can play and make friends.Oh, and we need a yard, someplace for a dog.A really active one who’ll lick your face and love you and…”

“Are you sure you need me to describe anything?”Ralph smiled.“You seem to be doing a very good job of it yourself.”

Megan smiled back.“But it’s more romantic and dreamy coming from you.”She ran her hand over her belly, though she wasn’t nearly far enough along to have a baby bump.“I grew up in a secret underground bunker with paranoid cultists who believe in an ancient demon sorceress.If we’re going to have this kid, I want them to have a much _better_ childhood than mine.”

Ralph walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her.“And they will.I told you when we found out, I would make sure both of you get to be as happy as can be.That’s not a promise I’m going back on.”

“You better not.”Megan tapped a finger on the tip of his nose.“And remember you’re promise that we’d all travel the world together when the kid gets old enough.”

“Of course, how could I forget that?”

“Go find the passports, you ridiculous man.”

“Joke’s on you.”Ralph whipped out a small selection of fakes out from behind his back.“I already did.”

* * *

“I don’t want to have to ask this, but the seats next to you are my and my husband’s.Do you think you could move over to the window so I can have the aisle?”Megan asked the man currently sitting in the seat next to Ralph and her seats on the airplane.“I’m probably going to have to get up and go to the bathroom a couple times during the flight.”

The man looked up from his reading, first at Megan, and then Ralph, who offered him a shrug.It really would be best for everyone involved if he just let Megan have the aisle seat.Sure, her baby bump was only just becoming visible, but she fully felt the effects of pregnancy.

“Of course.”The man gave an awkward smile.“I would be happy to.”

A bit of shuffling later and they were all seated.Megan in the aisle seat, Ralph in the middle, and the man by the window.Once everything was settled, Ralph held out a hand to the man.

“Ralph Domzalski.Considering we’re going to be spending the next eleven hours next to each other, we should probably know each other’s names.”

The man waited a minute, where it was clear he was carefully considering his words, then responded, “Walter Strickler.You and you’re wife, I assume, plan on settling down in Los Angeles?”

“Nope.There’s this little town about a two hour drive out called Arcadia Oaks.It’s where I grew up.”Ralph couldn’t help the pride that entered his voice.For all he traveled the world, Arcadia was still _home_.“My family’s there, so, you know, it seemed like the best place for us.”

“Oh, really?”Walter’s eyebrows went up.“You don’t say.I’m headed to Arcadia myself.I recently accepted a teaching position at one of the local schools.Perhaps, in a few years down the line, your child will be in my class.”

Internally, Ralph thought that traveling half way around the world for a public school teaching job in the United States was a bit odd, but he didn’t express this.Instead he offered a noncommittal shrug.

Soon, the airplane took off.Ralph let out a relieved breath.He, Megan, and their future child were going home.

* * *

“Happy house-warming!”Margaret greeted her son with a hug and then barged right past him into his house.“I can’t wait to see what you’ve done with the place!”She stopped in the middle of the hall, put her hands on her hips, and looked absolutely everywhere.“You got all the baby gear we sent over, right?The books?Oooh and the toys, heaven forbid you forget those!”

“Yes, Mom.”Ralph dutifully closed the door behind Vraxel, who took off his glamour mask and hung it on the new coatrack.

The large troll stretched to shake off his transformation.Then gave his son his patented “be patient with your mother, she’s excited” look.

Ralph made a face at his father in return.“Meg’s just upstairs resting.She’ll join us in a bit.She was just feeling a little under the weather this morning.We already called the doctor.”Ralph held up a hand to stop his mom from going into a massive tirade about proper health during pregnancy, _especially_ when pregnant with a child that wasn’t entirely human.They were handling it just fine themselves.“She’ll be fine.She just needs some rest.How about I show you guys around in the meantime?”The prospect of showing off his house to his parents was admittedly very appealing to Ralph.He, and Megan, had put a lot of effort into turning the place into a home.

Also, it would take his mind off the fact Megan was feeling ill because she’d craved, then tried to literally eat, a raw steak last night.Neither of them knew where the urge had come from and, as much as they wanted to chalk it up to just a weird pregnancy thing, there was a lingering thought at the back of both their minds that there was more to it than that.

Ralph knew he should think about it, but he really didn’t want to.

“I think a tour of our son’s dwelling would do nicely,” Vraxel spoke.Like Margaret, he’d taken in his surroundings carefully, but he remained quiet while doing so.“I see you don’t have any wards set up yet.I can come by later this week and help with that if you like.”

Ralph winced.“Thanks, dad, but no thanks.We tried.Wards mess with Megan’s magic.”She’d lost control and set off a bunch of spells when they tried to set up the protective wards.Most of their kitchenware had vanished into a massive dark portal that had opened without warning.Thinking about it still made shivers run up Ralph’s spine.Once they’d arrived in Arcadia, Megan had promised to never use the dark portal spell again, since they tended to drain her.This one, though, this one seemed like it had sprung into being of its own accord during the chaos.Ralph wanted anything but a repeat performance of that.

Vraxel frowned at his son.“Are you sure?Without them, you’d be defenseless against attacks.”

“Megan and I discussed it and yeah.”Ralph stuck his hands in his pockets, an old habit from childhood whenever he had to tell his parents something really important.“Her old cult has never been able to track us down.They have no idea who I am.It’s unlikely that they’d think to search in little, old Arcadia.Plus, with Trollmarket here, there’s like zero chances changelings are just going to hope on a plane and come here.What would they do?Settle down into a poorly-paid teaching job?”

“As long as you’re sure.”Vraxel crossed his arms.He didn’t look convinced.

Margaret pushed herself into the conversation.“Lighten up, dear.Today is a day worth celebrating!Our son has a home, a wife, and a child on the way!Sure I would have liked him to introduce us to his wife before the baby development and maybe _been able to be present at their wedding_.”This last phrase was said with a pointed look thrown in Ralph’s direction.“But still, it’s a good day!”

“Um actually Mom.”Ralph braced himself.“Megan and I aren’t really married.It was just easier to get her into the country if, on paper, it looked like we were.We called each other ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ so no one would suspect anything.”

Margaret stared at Ralph.Then, very deliberately, she spoke, “You know what this means.I get to _plan a WEDDING_!” 

The entire neighborhood surely heard the shout.

Later that night, Ralph quietly walked into his and Megan’s bedroom.She was curled up under as many blankets as possible.

“Sorry I couldn’t come down.”Megan sneezed.She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose.“I just feel so _ewwww_.”

Ralph sat down on the side of the bed.“It’s fine.My parents are really understanding.”He sighed.“If a bit too enthusiastic.Mom’s determined to plan our wedding.”

“Oh.”Megan twisted a hand into the bedsheets.“Should be fun though.Something to look forward to.”She looked back up at Ralph.“She knows that she has to plan it _with_ me, right?”

“Yes, I made that very clear.”

“Good.”Megan turned away from him to gaze up at the ceiling.“Hey Ralph, be real with me, do you think I’d make a good mother?What if this sickness is really some kind of genetic thing?What if I pass it on to the baby?What if—”

“Meg, trust me.”Ralph cut her off.“You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”He leaned forward and pecked her on the lips.“Remember what the doctor said.You keep getting sick because you exert yourself too much.Just lay off the magic and the weird food cravings and everything is going to be fine.I promise.”

Megan smiled at him.“Ok, just one more question and I think it’s a really important one.”

“What’s that?”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes, yes I will.”

* * *

Tobias Domzalski came into the world a gurgling, happy baby.He was a little bigger than the average newborn, but that was considered normal for his family.The first person to hold him would be his father, who would stare at him with wonder, and then proceed to make incomprehensible noises at him until he fell asleep.Toby’s mother also slept.The birth had had no complications, but it had still taken hours and exhausted her.

Toby’s grandparents were allowed in his family’s hospital room after his family had had an hour to themselves.His grandmother—his new _Nana_ —entered the room with arms full of teddy bears and balloons from the hospital gift shop (she’d been very busy for the last hour).His grandfather, who he’d learn was really a disguised troll a few years down the road, carried a couple containers of all the foods he knew Megan and Ralph liked best, also a videocamera to record his first day of life.

When Toby came into the world, he wouldn’t remember it, but he was surrounded by family and love.

“So, you gonna continue hogging our son or you gonna let me hold him?”Megan propped herself up on her elbow.She wiped the sleep from her eyes.

“You sure you’re ready?”Ralph answered.“He’s really delicate.If you’re still tired—”

“Ralph, _dearest_ , I just took a nap that the clock tells me lasted an hour longer than the birth itself. _Give me my baby_.”

Ralph sat on the edge of Megan’s hospital bed.“Move over.”She did, and he settled next to her.Then, as carefully and as cautiously as humanly possible, Ralph passed Toby into her arms.

Megan cooed at her son.“Aren’t you just the perfect little boy?You’re so adorable and wrinkly.He’s perfect, isn’t he?”

“Just as perfect as his mom.”Ralph grinned.

“Stop you.”

“What?Did you think just because we’re parents now, it means I’ll stop joking?The little guy needs to lead the fine art of comedy from somewhere.”Ralph gently stroked his son’s head.

Toby wiggled in his blankets.

Megan gave Ralph a Look.“He’s not even 24 hours old yet and already you’re starting with the comedy routine.No, _I_ think our son is going to be a magician.Isn’t that right, Toby-woby?With a hat and sock tricks and everything.Ooooh.”Her face lit up with joy.“We’re going to buy him a bunny.A white one.When he’s old enough.”

Ralph smiled again.“Well, we do have all the time in the world to see who he grows up to be.”


	4. Step 4: Wonder Where You Went Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT NOTE (Chapter Includes): Character Death, Possession, Mention of Mind Control, Self-Sacrifice, Destruction, and Funerals/Cemeteries.

“You’re never going to win.”Megan bounced Toby on her hip as she spoke.

Ralph rolled his eyes.“You don’t know that.Maybe this.”He picked up the lottery ticket the gas station cashier gave him with a dramatic flourish.“Is the winning ticket.Then, you’ll have no choice but to say ‘Ralphie dear, oh my but I was wrong.I will forever be in your debt.”When Toby giggled and reached for the little piece of paper, Ralph made funny faces at his son.“Isn’t that right, Toby-Woby?Can you say, ‘Mommy was wrong and Daddy’s made us all rich?’”

“Juice!Juice!Juice!”Toby chanted.It was his latest word and he was quite proud of it.“Bye-bye!”The two-year-old waved to the cashier as his parents left the station and carried him back to their car.

“I will never say those words.”Megan strapped Toby into his carseat.“ _Because_ you’re never going to win.I looked up the statistics and the likeliness is almost impossible.”

Ralph laughed as he finished filling their car with gas.When they were both in the front seat, he said, “So is that more or less likely that I’m a half-troll and you’re a sorceress?”

“Mommy Orsessy!Mommy Orsessy!”Toby started chanting again.He pounded his little fists against his car seat.

“Hey buddy, we talked about this.”Ralph twisted around to face Toby.“No hitting your carseat.”

“Sorry, Daddy.”

Ralph couldn’t help but grin.“It’s ok, bud.Tell you what, if you’re good on the ride home, you can have one of Nana’s cookies.How does that sound?”

“YAAAAAAAY!COOOOOKKIIIEEE!”

“And _we_ talked about this.”Megan gave Ralph a Look.“You’re spoiling our son.”

Ralph clicked on his seatbelt.“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

Now Megan twisted around to face Toby.“Can you say, Daddy’s spoiling me, Mommy.”

“Nuh-uh.”Toby shook his head.“Cookie.”

“See?Toby agrees with me.”Ralph grinned as he started the car.“No spoiling here.Absolutely none.”

“You two are impossible.Utterly impossible.”But there was a smile on Megan’s face.

“You know it,” Ralph retorted.Honestly, he was just glad to be out and about together as a family.

For the past two years or so, ever since they came to Arcadia, Megan had had persistent colds.They’d gone to numerous doctors, but none could find anything wrong.Megan just felt sick continuously.At least until that morning, when she’d woken up feeling much better than she had in ages. 

Things, Ralph figured, were finally looking up.

Once they were home, Ralph took Toby inside and placed him inside his playpen.He noted the absence of Toby’s favorite teddybear, ran to his kid’s room to grab it off his bed, but he couldn’t find it anywhere.He ducked back outside to where Megan was opening the trunk of the car to begin unloading their groceries.

“Hey, Meg, do you know where Mr. Fuzzyton is?”Ralph asked.

“It’s not on his bed?”

“No.”Ralph tapped his fingers against the doorframe.“I’m going to get the twin out.”Since Toby really, _really_ liked Mr. Fuzzyton, they’d decided to purchase an identical, second teddybear soon after they had the first.To make sure the bears had the same amount of wear and tear, they occasionally switched which one was with Toby.The one not with their son they kept hidden and only referred to as “the twin”.

“Okay.”Megan took the first brown paper bag out of the car.“We just gotta make sure we find the other one before he does.”

“Got it.I’ll be right back out to help.”Ralph hurried back inside.He went to retrieve the twin from its place at the back of their closet…and found the original Mr. Fuzzyton with it. With its head torn off.

Ralph stared at the decapitated teddybear.That was.That was odd.To put it mildly.Ok, honestly?He found the sight of button-eyed head detached from soft, fluffy body with stuffing coming out rather disturbing.Still, he needed to get back to Toby so he couldn’t really ruminate on the destroyed bear now.He’d ask Megan about it when he had the chance. 

Ralph brought the second, not-destroyed Mr. Fuzzyton to his son.As Toby hugged the worn teddybear, Ralph said, “Hey buddy, I gotta go help Mommy with the groceries.Think you can play on your own until we’re done?”

Toby nodded.“Uh-huh.”

“Good kid.”Ralph ruffled his son’s hair.Then, he went through the kitchen to the outside.

Megan was still by the car, though now talking to a couple Ralph vaguely recognized as their new neighbors who’d just moved into the Jenkins’ old house.He walked up.

“Ralph, meet Ophelia and Javier Nunez,” Megan introduced them.To the Nunezes, she said, “This is my husband, Ralph.”

“Hi.Welcome to the neighborhood.”Ralph waved at the other young couple.Then grabbed a bag of groceries out of the trunk.“Sorry, I’d stop to talk, but it’s really hot out and there’s milk in here.” 

“That’s ok.Us women will talk while you guys do all the heavy lifting.”Ophelia said.A silent conversation passed between her and her husband.Then Javier stepped forward to help Ralph with his groceries.

“So, what brings you to our neck of the woods?”After all the groceries were safely inside, Ralph had invited Javier to their backyard to refresh himself with some lemonade as a thank you.“Other than, you know.”He gestured to where Toby played in the grass with the Nunezes’ daughter, Claire.Internally, Ralph swelled with pride.Toby tended to be super shy around other kids, but here, after the first few awkward minutes, he shared his toys and played easily with Claire.

“Umm, just her mostly.”Javier shrugged.“Ophelia read in a parenting book that having a big backyard to play in helps development.Those books, I don’t think they know what they’re talking about, but.”He looked to his daughter.“I will do anything for my little girl.”

“I know the feeling.”Ralph agreed.“I’d do the impossible for Toby.”

* * *

 That evening, Ralph brought the newspaper into their family room, where Megan was on the floor playing with Toby.

“You’re so not going to believe this.”Ralph sat down on their couch.

“Believe what?”Megan lifted up a toy spaceship and made wooshing noises.“And then Duke Toby’s ship took to the sky!After finally having hundreds—”

“Zilly-billy-ons!”Toby interrupted.“Zilly-illy-bee-ins!”

“Zilly-billions.”Megan corrected.“Adventures.He was finally going back to his home planet—”

“Banananananaaaaaaa!”

“His home planet, Banana.”Megan continued her story.Toby giggled.Megan tickled him.

Ralph settled in so he could watch them.His news could wait a couple minutes.Sure, it was great news.Spectacular even.But still, nothing was more important to Ralph Domzalski than his family.

When Megan eventually finished her story, which involved Duke Toby heroically saving Banana Planet from evil, she sat down on the couch next to Ralph.“So, what’s your big news?”

Ralph opened the newspaper with a flourish to the page that announced the lottery number winners.He held it and the ticket he’d bought at the gas station up to show Megan.“Sweetheart, we’ve _won_.”

“You’re joking.”

“No, no I’m not.See for yourself.”

Megan grabbed the newspaper out of Ralph’s hands and examined it.“Oh my—I’m still not saying you were right.”She quickly said.

“Oh come _on._ ”Ralph laughed.“I tell you we’ve won enough money to be set the rest of our lives and then some and _that’s_ your response.”

“For all I know this could be some elaborate prank of yours to make me say that.”Megan smirked.

Ralph slapped his hands against his legs.“I would never—how dare—it’s not even _April Fool’s Day_ , Megan!”

Toby crawled over to them from where he’d been playing with his toys.“Whazzon?”He asked, his way of articulating the question, ‘what’s going on?’

“Daddy’s being a ridiculous, ridiculous man.”Megan picked him up and kissed the tip of his nose.Toby giggled.“And he’s going to buy your Mommy whatever she wants because we have lots of money now.”

“Cookies?”

“All the cookies you can imagine,” Ralph added.He took Toby from Megan and hugged them both.“I love you two so much.”

After they’d tucked Toby into bed and read him a bedtime story that night, Ralph and Megan did their own nightly routine.Ralph took the bathroom first.He quickly brushed his teeth, used mouthwash, and washed his face.He settled down to read while Megan did the same.

Ralph managed to get through to the end of the chapter he’d just started when he realized Megan hadn’t joined him.He got up and padded back to the bathroom.

“Meg, are you ok in there?”Ralph knocked on the door.He heard her say something, but she spoke in such a low voice that he couldn’t quite catch what she said.“Can you repeat that?”He asked.No response.

A golden light flashed out from under the door.Ralph frowned.“What are you doing in there, Meg?”Now there were strange noises coming from inside the bathroom.His hand reached for the doorknob.“I’m coming in—”

The door lurched open before he could.Ralph stumbled.He caught himself before he fell.

“I’m _fine_.”Megan’s voice was cheery.She usually wasn’t cheery this late at night.“See?”She spun around in a circle.“Now, we should adjourn to bed.”She closed the bathroom door, grabbed his hand, and pulled him into their bedroom.

Ralph let himself be led.“Are you sure you’re fine, though?”He asked.Something seemed off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what.

“Yes, I’m _completely_ fine, you _ridiculous_ man, you.”Megan jumped on the bed.“Now come on, come to bed.”She patted the blankets twice, beckoning him.

“Okaaay.”Ralph approached the bed, but his eyes wandered to the closet on the other side of the room.“Oh, I wanted to ask you.I found one of the Mr. Fuzzyton bears in the closet.With its head ripped off.Do you know what happened there?”

Megan pressed her lips together in a thin line.“No.That’s odd.Maaaybe the cat ripped it?”

“We don’t have a cat.”Ralph tensed.

“Oh, silly me.I must have forgot.”Megan laughed.“It was a long day and I’m really tired.Come to bed?”

“Just give me a sec.”Ralph retreated toward the doorway.“I need some water.I’ll be right back.”

Without warning, Megan was blocking his path.“How about I get that for you, dear?”

Ralph backed up a step.He gulped.“No, I’m good.I think I can get a glass of water on my own.”

There was a moment where it looked like Megan was going to continue blocking him from leaving the room, but then she cocked her head at an odd angle and stepped to the side.Ralph took a breath and walked forward.This was _nuts_.Megan was Megan.His wife.His most trusted friend.She was just acting a little weird.Nothing major.Probably.

He walked into the bathroom for his water.Stopped.Stared.

On the mirror, written out in lipstick and then smeared liked someone had tried to rub it away and failed was:

_MORGANA_

Ralph felt Megan’s hands creep up on his shoulders from behind.

“I suppose you were going to find out one way or another,” Morgana whispered.“It’s a pity that it had to happen like _this._ ”

“You aren’t Megan, are you?”Ralph turned his head ever so slightly to face the woman behind him.

“I’m afraid not.”Morgana danced Megan’s fingers across his shoulders.“But I _know_ you, Ralph.And I _love_ you just as much as the other one.You see I have always been here.With you both.Watching.Observing.She thought by escaping that puny ritual she escaped me, but there is no escape from me.”Her voice changed to a lighter tone.“I just never had the opportunity to present myself before now.But, rest assured, you have nothing to fear from me.”

Ralph gently removed Megan’s hands from his shoulders.“Is Megan still in there somewhere?”He searched those oh-so-familiar eyes.

Morgana pouted.“Why, of course.But Ralph, _I_ am finally here.Don’t you want to spend just a little time with _me_?I have waited _ages_ for this moment.”She reached up to stroke his face.“To feel you.To hear you.It was near torturous waiting for all her little spells to finally open a rift large enough to slip through, and then she kept pushing me down. _For two years_.She even denied me the right to meet _our_ son.”Morgana smiled.“But tonight, tonight I am here.”She looked around the hall.“Where is little Tobias?I would like very much to officially meet him.”

“Toby is sleeping.”Ralph’s heart pounded in his chest, but he did his best to appear calm.“It would probably be best to wait until morning.If you’ve really always been here, you’d know it can take ages to get him to sleep again if we wake him up.”

“Oh.”Morgana pouted again.Then her pout turned into a sly grin.“But tonight is a special occasion.Come, we shall wake him.”

“NO!”Ralph grabbed her wrist.He gulped again.“I mean, I just think Megan should be here too, so how about letting her out?”

A dark expression came over her face.Morgana spoke and her words were cold.“Are you unable to see that I am yours too?She has had _years.I_ just arrived.I _deserve_ this.I _desire_ this.”

“Okay.You can feel that way, but I married _Megan_.I love _Megan_.”Ralph took a breath.“ _Please_.Let me have her back.”

Anger came into Morgana’s voice.“You do not understand. _I_ am more than you could ever IMAGINE!Baba Yaga!The Eldritch Queen!The Pale Lady!”With every title, her voice rose more.“I stand before you as a DEITY, yet you ask for ANOTHER?”

“Yeah.”Ralph ran a hand through his hair.This was really not going well, but maybe he could salvage things?“She’s kinda my wife and you’re possessing her.”He contemplated his next words before speaking.“Look, we do know some things about magic, so we can probably help you get a body of your own and stuff.Like, I get that you’re trapped somewhere and want to get out, but stealing someone else’s life is not the way to do things.”He paused.“We can help you.All you have to do is let Megan go.”

“YOU DARE!”Golden fire burst forth from Megan’s body and she rose a couple inches above the ground.“You dare insult _ME_?I am MORGANA!I am _SHADOW_!I am _YOUR DOOM_!”She raised a hand toward him.“If you do not do as I desire, then I see no other alternative than to bend your will.”

This was bad.This was very, very bad.Ralph needed a plan.Desperately.His brain refused to work.Words came out anyway.

“Morgana, I see that I upset you.How about—?”

Megan’s hand slammed into the wall.Fracture lines rushed away from it.

“Ralph, you absolute _idiot_!” _That_ voice was definitely Megan’s. _“RUN_!”She roared.

Ralph ran.

Down the hall.He headed for the stairs, but his eyes fell on Toby’s door before he got there.He couldn’t just leave his son.Ralph rushed into Toby’s room.Slammed the door behind him.Locked it.Glanced around for anything he could use as a weapon, but this was the room of his _two year old_ son.There was nothing but toys.This was insane!He couldn’t just attack _Megan._ She was _Megan_.He—

“Daddy?”Toby sat up.“Whazzon, Daddy?”

“It’s ok, buddy.”Ralph winced at the lie.He needed to do something.And fast.He heard the doorknob rattle.Ralph nearly jumped to the other side of the room.He scooped up Toby in his arms.“Everything’s going to be ok.”

“You think you can hide from me?”Morgana’s voice was eerily calm.Ralph could see the shadow under the door where she stopped.“How cute.”

Ralph braced himself, but the door didn’t fly open.He heard sounds from the other side.Loud thuds.Like she was hitting herself against the wall repeatedly.He couldn’t be sure.Ralph looked to the window.It was a two story drop.He had Toby in his arms.He _couldn’t_.

Ralph charged the door.Yanked it open.Hoped Morgana’s surprise would shock her enough that he could make it down the stairs.He just needed to get Toby to safety.Then he could figure out a plan.

Morgana spun around to face him when he emerged, but it was Megan’s voice that spoke, “Run,” she whispered.

Ralph took the stairs two at a time.By the time he made it downstairs, Toby had started to cry.Ralph could hear his sniffles and feel his shirt dampening with tears, but he couldn’t stop to explain now.He looked around, but there was still nothing he could use to defend them.None of the belongings he and Megan had amassed over the past few years would do in a situation like this.

Slow, calculated footsteps came down the stairs.

“I do not wish to harm you, Ralph.”Morgana spoke.“But I will do as I must.You’re being foolish.”She entered the family room.

“If you really don’t want to hurt me.”Ralph’s voice was shaky.Why was it so shaky?“You would stop this.”

Morgana looked at him curiously.Something clenched Ralph’s heart.How many times had Megan given him a similar expression before laughing and telling a joke?

“I cannot.Don’t worry.”Morgana giggled.“It will not hurt when I bend your will, but it will make you see a little more clearly.”

Ralph backed up as far as he could.The wall prevented him from going further.“I think I’m thinking pretty clearly—”

Before he could finish, Megan’s body jerked to the side.Her head blurred, or at least that’s the best way Ralph could think to describe it.It was like, it was trying to escape itself?Like her face was tugging away from itself, but it remained there and—yeah this was something straight out of a nightmare.

It stopped.Morgana—or Megan, but Ralph didn’t want to be too hopeful—stood there taking gasping breaths.Finally, she looked up at him.“Ralph,”She spoke. _That_ was definitely Megan’s voice.Everything about her—how she looked at him, the vibe she was giving off, the expression on her face, her voice—screamed at Ralph that this was the woman he loved.

“Is—is she _gone_?”Ralph took a tentative step toward Megan.He clutched a terrified Toby to his chest. _Please_ , Ralph begged whatever forces that be, _please let it be over now._

“No.”Megan’s breaths came in shaky bursts.“No, she’s still here.I don’t know how long I can—”Her voice choked up.“Ralph.”She looked up at him.“Ralph, you have to go.You have to take Toby and _go_.I can—I can—there’s a spell that I can use to get _rid_ of her.But—” Tears streamed down her face.“I need you to _go_.I need you to be _safe_.”

Ralph took another step toward her.“I’m not just going to leave you.There has to be a way we can get rid of her together.We’re a team.I _love_ you.I can’t just—”

“I’m sorry,” Megan whispered.She thrust out her arms.The very air around Ralph and Toby turned into a swirling vortex with them trapped inside.“But I can’t lose either of you.”With a gesture of her hands, she sent them flying out of the house and onto the street.

_“MEGAN!”_

_“MOMMY!”_

_T_ he vortex released them onto the street.Ralph put Toby down in the neighbor’s yard.“Toby, stay here and don’t move.Daddy will be right back.”He commanded.Ralph charged back toward the house.Once inside, he heard the chanting.

“Drooma katorth-a myntarth-a klar!Drooma katorth-a myntarth-a klar!DROOMA KATORTH-A MYNTARTH-A KLAR!”

“MEGAN!”Ralph yelled.“I’m here!We can—”He reached the family room, but couldn’t enter.The floor was a dark, swirling portal.One that sucked everything that came near into it.Most of their furniture and belongings were already gone.Ralph stared, shocked.

Megan floated above, surrounded by golden fire.She gazed down at him.“I’m sorry, Ralph, but this is the only way. DROOMA KATORTH-A MYNTARTH-A KLAR!”She chanted.

The portal grew.Ralph was forced back.“Megan, I— _please—_ don’t do this!”

“Know that I’ll always love you.”One of Megan’s hands moved in his direction.Ralph felt himself being pushed back outside again.

Ralph grabbed on to the doorway and hung on.“There has to be another way!”He cried.

“There isn’t.”Megan’s voice was sad, defeated.“But I’ll have saved you from her.From _me_.”These last two words came out in a whisper.She lowered herself toward the portal.

“MEGAN! _NO_!”

A great rush of air forced Ralph back outside.He landed and rolled on the street.Ralph pushed himself up the moment he stopped moving.He took a step back toward his house, determined to try again.To get through to Megan.Ralph froze.

Spirals of dark magic spun around his home.They encased it in a black and purple shimmering vortex.Ralph could see the borders of the dark portal swirl on the porch steps.He could only watch as the magic grew and grew.

Then, a blinding flash.

When Ralph recovered, he looked up and saw.

His home, the house, _Megan_ , everything was gone.Sucked away into the dark portal.Gone.Forever.

Ralph dropped to his knees.

“Daddy?”Toby waddled up next to him.“Daddy, where’s Mommy?”

Out of the sky, something, the last remnant of the life Ralph had worked so hard to create with Megan, came fluttering down.In a daze, Ralph held out his hand to catch it.It was the winning lottery ticket that he’d bought that morning.Ralph stared at it.Then, he screamed.

* * *

The sun shone the day of Megan’s funeral.Not a cloud was in sight.Ralph hated that nearly as much as he did the ceremony itself.There was nothing of Megan left to bury.This whole thing was pointless.Yet, his mom insisted they do it.If, for no other reason, than to give Toby a place to visit his mother, at least in spirit.So, they gathered on that warm summer’s day and lay to rest a casket empty but for a few things scrounged from Margaret and Vraxel’s house that they knew Megan had liked and a poorly written letter from Toby, who didn’t quite fully grasp yet that his mother was gone and she would never come back.

Ralph was silent through it all.He was there, but he also wasn’t.Over and over, his brain cycled through the events of That Night, and every single one preceding it.If he’d done things differently, if he hadn’t encouraged Megan to use her magic as much, if he’d listened to his father about setting up the protective wards, then maybe, just maybe.Maybe they wouldn’t have to be here today.Maybe the first thing he spent some of his lottery winnings on would be some kind of fun trip and not a funeral for his wife.

Ralph heard a sniffle.He looked down.Toby clung to his leg.He lifted his son up in his arms and held him.He didn’t tell him things would be ok or make any promises.Ralph had already failed one person he made promises to.He would not do the same to his son.


	5. Step 5: Recover

_Riiing.Riiiiiiiiing.RIIIIIIIIING!_

The wail of his phone roused Ralph from sleep.He opened his eyes.Everything _ached_.His head throbbed.He reached a hand in the direction he heard his phone.His fingers knocked away a few empty beer bottles on their way.The bottles clattered to the floor.After feeling around his bedside table for it, Ralph finally managed to close his hand around the phone.It took him three tries of attempting to turn off its alarm clock function before he realized that he was _receiving a call_.Made sense.He never set his alarm clock anymore.Also, did his phone actually _have_ an alarm clock function?Sure, it was a fancy one and all that, but it was still a _phone_.It wasn’t good for much other than making calls.

Ralph groaned.It was way too early for this.The digital clock he kept by his bed told him it was 12:45 PM.“Asshole,” he muttered.He answered the call.

“Hello?Ralph Domzalski?”It was a woman’s voice and one Ralph vaguely recognized.He’d definitely heard it somewhere before, but not enough that he could place it easily.Ralph pushed his mind into running through a list of possibilities.He hadn’t gone for any job interviews recently, what with it being That Week and all.He certainly didn’t get out much.He’d only just started socializing when they’d moved to Arcadia and then…

_Don’t think about it.Don’t think about it.Don’t think about it._

Ralph repeated in his mind.He closed his eyes.Took a deep breath.It would be over soon.Two more days and then the third anniversary of the single worst day of his life would pass.He would go on living, until this week came around next year and he repeated this same process of leaving Toby with his parents and allowing himself to mourn.Usually with some beer handy.

“Hello?Is anyone there?Hello?”The caller was still there.Right.

“Yeah, um, this is Ralph speaking.”Ralph swallowed.His throat was dry.With a grunt, he shoved himself up into a sitting position.“Who’s calling?”

There was a sharp pause that was very clearly a hesitation.Then, “Barbara Lake.Jim’s mom.”

_Who the fuck is that?_ “Umm, okay.”Ralph rubbed the sleep from his eyes.“Can you be more specific?”

“My son, Jim, is friends with your son, Toby?They play together all the time when Toby visits his grandparents?”Barbara paused.“Ring any bells?Though, thinking about it, I don’t think we’ve actually met before so—”

“Oh, right.”Ralph snapped his fingers.“You’re that changeling fucker.”

Silence from the other end of the phone.

_Shit.Shit.Shit._ “Sorry, that came out wrong.”Ralph hoped she could hear his wince.God, he _hated_ his hungover self.

“Really?”Barbara’s voice was a few degrees colder than it had been.“You don’t say.”

Ralph let out an audible sigh.“Look, I’m sorry ok?This is a really bad time for me.Just, what do you want?Toby’s spending the week with his grandparents, so you should talk to _them_ if you want to set something up.”

“I…” Another hesitation from the other end.“Margaret—your mom—said you’d given her your number to give to me because you’re willing to talk to me about…” She trailed off.Barbara took a breath then continued, “About Jim.About him being, you know…” Her next words were much quieter than the others.“Not completely human.I just.He’s healthy.He’s _fine_.But I—I’m worried. _Please._ ”

Internally Ralph answered, _yeah and that was months ago and you haven’t bothered to reach out since then so sorry but you’re out of luck._ Externally, he said, “Okay.Can you meet today?There’s a deli near my apartment.I can give you directions.”

* * *

The bell gave a merry little ding-aling when Ralph walked through the door into Arnold & Bernie’s Deli.He took a moment to take in the familiar sandwich scents, staticky sound of the radio, and quiet whooshing of the ceiling fan.

Ralph passed his usual table and headed for one of the booths at the back.

“Meeting someone today,” he explained to Bernie, when he came over.“We’re gonna need some privacy.No, it’s not a date or anything like that.”He added when Bernie frowned at him.“We’re going to just talk.Cause…” He pursed his lips.“She’s been through some stuff too.Similar stuff.You know?”

“Sure,” Bernie answered.“I trust ya, but I’ll remind you to be careful too.Alright, Ralphie?”

Ralph sighed, but offered a small smile all the same.“Yeah.Thanks.”

“Me and Arnold are always here for you.Don’t you forget it.”

“Never.”

Bernie grinned at Ralph before going off to get him a water and silverware. 

Ralph put his bag of safety supplies under the table and fiddled with his phone.Bernie and his husband, Arnold, were honestly the reason he’d chosen their deli as a meeting place.When he and Toby had first moved in to the apartment building across the street, he’d, well, it had been soon _after._ Ralph hadn’t exactly been in the best frame of mind.He’d heavily relied on the deli to feed Toby for pretty much every meal because it was a struggle to even get out of bed back then. 

Bernie and Arnold had quietly stepped in to help.Checked in on him.Made sure he wasn’t allowing his apartment to fall into a state of perpetual chaotic mess.They’d helped him get Toby to and from preschool almost every week.Helped him though he tried to drive everyone far, far away because just being near him, he figured, was dangerous.He couldn’t even protect Megan, so how could he protect anyone else?He’d shut his parents out, unless it was for Toby, because making the kid suffer through losing them too was something he just couldn’t do.

That had been the first year.Now, it was the third and things were marginally better.Ralph only let himself be a mess one week, the worst week, out of the year.He was talking to Mom and Dad again.He’d agreed to this meeting, despite his brain screaming at him to just _leave_ already.She doesn’t need _you,_ a little voice whispered at the back of his mind.You’ll just _worsen_ whatever mess she’s already in because that’s what you _do._

A redhead woman, not someone usually seen in the deli, entered the establishment.Ralph was out of time for an escape.The woman hesitated by the door.She looked all around, at the mostly empty tables, at the counter, at Darius sleeping in his corner as he always did, and then finally at Ralph.Once her eyes landed on him, she approached.

“Ralph Domzalski?”

He nodded.“Yup.You’re Barbara, I take it?”

Barbara sat down.“Yes.”

There was an awkward moment of silence.Bernie returned with waters and silverware.After a quick conversation, he left again to prepare Ralph’s usual sandwich and the same for Barbara.

“So…” Barbara began.“I, um, I…”

“Maybe tell me a little about Jim?”Ralph offered.That’s why they’d met, after all.Hell if he knew where to start this conversation.But, as a parent, he knew the easiest topic to talk of was his child.

Barbara replied, “Yes, ok.Okay, I can do that.”She rummaged around in her purse and took out a worn photo.“This is him.”She slid the picture across the table to Ralph.“I don’t know if you’ve met him when he’s been at your parents’, but he’s the sweetest kid.He’s kind.He has the cutest smile.”She flinched.“Though, not since—he’s _nothing_ like his father.He’s…”

As Barbara talked, Ralph examined the kid in the photo.To someone else, there wouldn’t be anything unusual there, but Ralph wasn’t just anyone.He saw a little boy with unruly black hair, yes, but he also saw the strong cheekbones and long nose of a troll.Jim’s ears were only pointed if one were looking specifically for that sign, but they definitely were to Ralph’s eyes.From what Ralph vaguely remembered of what his mom had told him, they’d performed a similar enchantment on the kid they had himself to hide his more trollish features, but that didn’t mean they’d gone away completely.

A strange feeling settled in Ralph’s gut.For all his life, he’d known and accepted that he was the only hybrid of his kind.Sure there was Toby, but Toby wasn’t directly descended from a troll.His son was a bit more removed from that part of his heritage.For all intents and purposes, this kid, _Jim_ , was the only other hybrid like Ralph in existence.

“How is he in sunlight?”Ralph asked abruptly.

Barbara blinked, startled.Her hands curled around her water glass.“Sunlight?”

“Does it agitate him?Make him queasy at all?”Ralph pushed the point.

“No.Why?Is that a thing I should be worried about?He hasn’t shown any signs that it hurts him so I—”

“No. _No_.”Ralph stopped her, while internally berating himself for upsetting her.“For me, it is, because I’m part troll.But your son, Jim, is part _changeling_.”That word was as much a reminder to himself as it was a statement to her.“So it’s likely that things like that work a little differently for him.”

Barbara took a breath.“Oh, ok.That reminds me.”She reached in her purse and took out a gaggletack.“I need you to hold this.”

Ralph obliged.His apartment was covered in as many anti-magic wards as humanly possible and then some.He had no grounds to really judge Barbara.He handed the gaggletack back after holding it in his hand for a minute without anything happening.

“Sorry.”Barbara apologized sheepishly.“I’m just a little tense.I should’ve been asking these questions _years_ ago.Or something.I don’t know.There were always these little things.”She blinked back tears and pointedly looked toward the ceiling.“Things I should have noticed more.Questioned.I mean, even when Jim was born, it was…it wasn’t _normal_ , but I was so _desperate._ I just.I know I shouldn’t have now, but I _trusted_ James.I wanted him to tell me about it himself.So fucking badly.I was such an _idiot_.”She looked back at Ralph.“Shit.Sorry.I shouldn’t be rambling my whole sob story to you like this.I—”

“It’s okay.”Ralph placed his hands over hers on the table.A move which shocked them both.“I get it.Trust me.”He took a breath.He shouldn’t be saying this.He really, _really_ shouldn’t be saying this, but he _got_ it.So badly.“You just wanted the life you dreamed of and didn’t want to see the warning signs for what they were.Because if you didn’t, you could tell yourself they weren’t there and you could continue on being happy.”Ralph’s hands tightened around hers.He knew he wasn’t talking about Barbara anymore.He wondered if she knew that.“I’ve been there.”A part of him, one that had ached for three years for someone who could just _understand_ without pity or him having to explain, urged him to keep speaking though every other fiber of his being screamed at him to shut up already.“With Megan, my wife—my _ex_ -wife—there were all these things.We never talked about them.It was just easier not to.So we pretended, I guess.Pretended everything was fine and.”He took a deep breath.“That didn’t exactly work out well for us.So, trust me.I get it.”

Barbara stared at their hands.“It’s crap, isn’t it?That these things happen.Everyone else gets to live happy normal lives.But not us.”She snorted.“What makes us so goddamn special?”

Ralph let out a dry laugh.“Me?I’m half troll.‘Normal’ has never really been a part of my existence.”He pulled his hands back.“Look, Barbara, I’ll be real with you a minute.I don’t know if I can help you or you’re kid.”Ralph sighed.“And I won’t make any promises.But I’ll do what I can where I can to help.”

“Thanks.I really appreciate that.”Barbara smiled.“I suppose, in a way, we’re in this together.”She held up her water glass between them.“A toast to magic utterly fucking up our lives?”

Ralph picked up his own glass and toasted with her.“To magic utterly fucking up our lives.”

They ate their sandwiches.Barbara complimented Bernie’s chef abilities and promised to return with Jim.They went their separate ways on amiable terms, but only after agreeing to meet again when they could.Barbara’s residency made her schedule literally insane, but she promised to contact Ralph when she thought she’d have time.It felt nice, they both agreed, to have someone to talk to about the things that had happened to them.The things no one else could possibly understand.

It felt good to have a friend.

So, feeling happy inside for the first time in a while, Ralph returned to his apartment and cleaned it.While doing so, he found one of his drunken, impulsive purchases.He checked their dates, realized they were still good, and then called Barbara.

“Hey, Barbara?Ralph here.This is going to sound completely insane, but I just found these tickets—tickets for an around-the-world cruise that I bought a while back, but the cruise hasn’t happened yet or anything and I just thought—no, the money isn’t an issue, I won the lottery a few years back—anyway I was thinking that getting out of Arcadia for a while would be nice, you know?Just get away from everything.I have four tickets, so that’s two extra after me and Toby.”Drunk Ralph was really, really bad at math, but Sober Ralph wasn’t going to admit that over the phone. “Since the boys are such good friends and all, I thought I’d ask if you and Jim would like to join us?So, how about it?Get away from Arcadia and all it’s weirdness for a grand adventure?”

There would be a time in the future when Ralph would look back on this decision and realize it probably wasn’t his best one ever, but that time wasn’t right now.Right now he was happy.He’d made a new friend and he had a potentially thrilling adventure for his son on the horizon.

Right now, it was a good moment in the life of Ralph Domzalski.

And that moment hadn’t ended yet.


End file.
